A piece of my heart

 

It's not often that I get personal in my blog. I don't like sharing personal things because it means I let people know the workings of my mind and the stirrings on my heart but then God reminds me that my personal blog might reach someone who needs encouragement, help and assurance that they are not alone.  So..this week I offer a piece of my heart.

Over the week-end I put this status on my social media page: "Maybe it's time to embrace being single and get ready to mingle". It's not the first time that I have pondered over this and it's not the first time I thought if I put this out in the public, I will be able to convince myself but that's not the case.

I am one of the lucky few who have family and friends around me who genuinely care for me and want to see me happy again. I'm sure for some of them, they are really tired of seeing me alone. But what they don't know, is that what is inside is not always portrayed outside.

I have realised in order for me to truly embrace being single, I have to face a few inner demons of my own. I have been a widow for over 10 years, having only been with one man in my life, it's not easy trying to let your guard down and open yourself up to that again. I'm not worried about losing a man in my life but I do have issues trying to be intimate with someone again, especially when you have had a really, deep loving connection with someone. You try to discover if you have the ability to connect like that again and I have no idea if I can. I also don't think someone else needs to get hurt or rejected because I have issues. That's not fair.

Another thing is, you have to start seeing what others see in you and let's be honest, what I see in the mirror is definitely not what others see. My family and friends around me continue to tell me what an amazing woman I am, how genuine and loving I am. I've been told that I have so much to offer but what they don't realize is I don't see that when I look in the mirror.  Now, before you start thinking "lack of self esteem", I don't lack it. To me, I am a plain Jane who truly cares for people and I look after and worry about others before myself. Doing too much for myself, often seems selfish to me and that's not because I don't think I deserve it, it's just my personality. It's who I am.

And I am not a dater! The thought of going on many dates trying to find the one (again!) seems like a lot of work and effort. Yes, I know if I don't make the effort, how will I ever know but seriously, do I have to!! My friends are way more adventurous than I am and they take dating in their stride but me, it feels like going to job interviews and I don't interview well! Did I add that I am one of the shyest people too when I am alone.

The only thing I could think of to deal with this, is lay it at God's feet.
He might send someone along for me or He might not. Maybe, God wants me to be alone and if I get that answer, I will be completely fine with that. But if God's plan is different then I seriously have to get the message right and walk in faith knowing He is guiding me..So here's me handing my piece of heart to God.

May you too always feel blessed and loved in God's light!  

The Fence

 

Did you ever sit on a fence or a narrow wall and just looked around? The world is all around you but every fence has two sides. Generally, one side is to keep things in and the other side is the rest of the world, the  great outdoors.

A fence is like many decisions we are faced with in our life. We can either choose the option which keeps things simple, protected or we can step out of our comfort zone and take a risk, not always knowing what will happen.

Like a fence, you can't really say whether it's backwards or forwards because it depends which way you are facing while sitting on the fence.

How often have you wondered if you could just stay on the fence, undecided, but life, as we know it, doesn't allow it because something or someone will come along forcing us to decide. I think, what makes sitting on the fence confusing, is that many times both sides and all around looks good, promising.


Who makes us climb onto that fence? Who makes us sit there what seems like many hours considering the choices we have?

God puts us there.

God knows which side we need  to follow but God loves us and gives us the gift of free will which means it is  up to us. But we are not alone on that ledge. You are surrounded by the Holy Trinity. Jesus sits on your left, the Holy Spirit on the right and God is above, all coaching you, nudging you in His direction.

God waits until He can't wait anymore and that's often when something or someone comes along to help us make a decision.

Sometimes God keeps putting us back on the fence, waiting until we finally get it and sometimes He just leaves us there for a good while wanting us to look around and embrace, love, enjoy and be grateful for the life He blessed us with.

So, if you find yourself sitting on the fence trying to figure out what to do, remember to look to your left, your right and above. Talk to them because they are the only trusting voices you need to hear and obey. God didn't say it would be easy. He just said believe in Me. God put you there, let Him give you what you need to jump off and walk with Him.

Whether we pick the right side of the fence, just remember that God can always turn a wrong into a right!

Trust the Lord with all your heart,

and don't depend on your own understanding.

Prov. 3:5

Whoever listens to what is taught will succeed, 

and whoever trusts the Lord will be happy.

Prov. 16:20