Hazardous Recognition

This past Sunday was Father's Day and a friend of mine on a social media platform started the debate on whether single Mothers should also be recognised on Father's Day for having this parental role as well. Honestly, the remark did sting a bit but it got me questioning this and other things regarding days of recognition.

Personally, single Mothers can be recognised on Father's Day as single Fathers can be recognised on Mother's Day. You ask why? Let me enlighten you. Many single parents have children of the the opposite sex. What I mean is that a single Mom who has a son needs to tap into her masculine side to be able to talk about or if she is really adventurous try some skateboarding, video games, fort building and doing some extreme sports and a single Dad who has a daughter has to also tap into his feminine side enlightening himself about how to handle his little girl becoming a young lady, talk about boys without anger, know the difference between a nice wedge and an awesome heel. Where there are two parents, it is a bit easier to take on these tasks as Mom can often relate to daughter and Dad can often relate to son.

Don't misunderstand me. At no point am I saying that parenting is easy regardless of how many parents are involved but sometimes we all need to know that we are valued for trying to be parents. But is it a necessity?

Let's be honest, as a parent, true recognition comes when our child gives us a goofy smile for no reason, a sticky lollipop hug to say "I love you" and a cuddle in the bed on a cold night. I don't get hurt if I'm not recognised on a particular day because I am recognised as a parent in many other ways. 

So, some of you will be saying so why doesn't the single parent get a Uncle involved or a Aunt involved to help with the difficult "stuff" and yes we could but what if the parent doesn't have anyone they can trust or rely on? What happens if their child is not comfortable talking with someone else except their parent? Could it be said that the single parent is avoiding trying to handle the difficult "stuff"?

As a single Mom, I see the pain in my child's eye when others play with their Dads. She gets so excited too standing on the side lines but she knows she can't join in because it's not her Dad. I try to fill that gap as best I can but deep down, I can't and never will be able to. Uncles try their best to help but they have families of their own and let's be honest, nothing can replace the love of a Mom or Dad even if it is Mom trying to be Dad too. 

The questions I am starting to ask are: Are we taking days of recognition too seriously and getting too technical? Are we applying too much pressure on each other to make sure our recognition is "good enough"? Should we depend on days like this to give us a good reason to acknowledge the important people in our lives? Would we acknowledge them at all, if we didn't have these days of recognition? Are days of recognition becoming more hazardous?

Unknown Waters

We all get scared when we make a life-changing decision because most of the time these decisions make us walk into “unknown waters”. No matter how prepared we are or think we are we’re still not prepared enough.

From this month, I am stepping into the unknown and it excites and terrifies me at the same time. My faith, strength and courage will be tested more than once. In my mind, I am prepared but the heart is yet to be taught and prepared.

The unknown made me think how a Captain must feel. Each time he stands behind the wheel, knowing the vessel inside-out and he floats out into familiar waters but even though the waters feel familiar, it is still unknown to the Captain. The ocean is never the same. The flow of the tides change, temperatures change, sea life changes and even the colour changes and no matter how the Captain is prepared, he must still get slightly anxious returning to the unknown, familiar waters. The waters he loves but respects its unstable behaviour. The Captain is prepared but not yet taught.

How many unknown, unlikely people did God prepare for His work to walk into “unknown waters”? Even Jesus walked into “unknown waters” when God told Him where to go and who to preach to. God prepares us even when we don’t realise it but He allows us to teach our heart to follow him into the “unknown”.

So, in the mid of the scary unknown what do I or we need to do? How do we change our fear of following God’s will into the unknown to the happiness of allowing God to work with us in the unknown?

We focus on our Shepard Jesus who walks alongside us. We pray to our King, God and we listen to our guide, The Holy Spirit. Because in this present, broken world filled with the scary unknown, it’s all we can do.

Even though, we feel alone in the dark, we never are. Many times, we create our own fear, imagining possible events in the unknown. But know this for sure, Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit are with us to teach our heart with our prepared mind.

God is our protection and our strength.

He always helps in times of trouble.

So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes,

Or the mountains fall into the sea,

Even if the oceans roar and foam,

Or the mountains shake at the raging sea.

Ps.  46:1

PS: I walked into my “unknown waters” and I was intimidated which made me terrified but I won’t stop trying because only God knows whether He wants me there and I have to learn to trust Him because with God, anything is possible!

What If.....

I remember it, like it was yesterday. I can still clearly see it in my mind and feel the intensity in my chest. I loved starting my school day like this. Soft, brown shining eyes and a smile that sent shivers down my spine. His arms felt warm, like home as he naturally pulled me into his embrace. Mmm, he always smelled good. His smell travelled through my nostrils, lingering as my breath gently blew on his neck. We didn’t need permission from each other to touch. We were drawn to each other, every morning. There was no beginning and in our hearts no end.

Our eyes answered the question that couldn’t be spoken and our embraces confirmed the mutual feeling but our mouths couldn’t be convinced to start the conversation. We kept everyone guessing, yet not many asked as we didn’t even know the answer but yet, we did. We weren’t ashamed of showing our feelings. It felt so comfortable, so right. Like a clichéd movie, we didn’t want to risk the friendship and the intimate feeling we had toward each other. We didn’t want the feeling to end. Before we knew it, we had run out of time. We parted with tears in our eyes, a promise in our smile and a silent “what if?”

Now, standing in a semi-crowded house, my “what if” walks in and twenty years later, my breath shallows and vaguely disappears. I wonder if he has ever wondered, ever missed it or even remembers. His face is how I’ve pictured it over the years, more than once. He glances my way, recognising me he smiles that smile that still sends shivers down my spine. His shining soft brown eyes still matches his smile. 

The flutter in my stomach sinks as she walks up to him from behind, their rings shouting “we’re married” from across the room. An unknown love hurts just as much as a lost love. I’m frozen.

The evening flows with friends, food and fun. We haven’t neared each other. I can’t look at him. I just can’t do it. I wonder down the house’s narrow passage into the bedroom where my handbag lies. My breath shallows again as I feel him. The feeling from me hasn’t changed. I turn and look at him. He stares silently at me. Do I see what I think I see? What I want to see?

Forgetting why I’m there, I walk past him but he turns and closes the door in front of me. No escape. I find myself leaning against the closed door, looking up into those soft, brown eyes.

Please don’t come close, I beg with my eyes as he looks at me, ignoring my plea. I look away, scared at what he might see in mine. His closes the gap enough. I want to touch and embrace him like I used to. I want to feel at home. I want to inhale his scent. I want to feel my breath on his neck. He edges even closer, his heat warming my skin. I look up at him as he leans his head down, his familiar untouched mouth mere inches away from mine. Smiling, he whispers, “We haven’t changed, have we?” I suck in my breath as my heart is shouting…..kiss me, touch me and love me. My mind can’t be heard. “You’re married” I mumble back into his mouth.

Brushing his lips ever so lightly against mine, he sighs and replies “I know”. He steps back and I give him space to leave, unable to look into his eyes again. He closes the door behind him, leaving me standing there, leaning against the door. My heart is racing, breath still shallow and my whole body is tingling.

Breathless, I walk out the bedroom, my lips swelling from mere sense of sensuality as I watch his back disappear out the front door with her. It happened again.

What if...

What’s your “what if” story?