Spiritual Strength

First, a little background to my story. I am currently doing my three months orientation to be a volunteer Chaplain for the Fire Department and believe me when I say this opportunity scares me and God really has taken me out of my comfort zone because I am doing this on my own in a world I don't know.  I don't even know if this is where God wants me to be but I know He will tell me. And now my story.....

This week, I have to prepare some words of encouragement as part of my Chaplaincy orientation for this coming Sunday and I am terrified but I silenced myself  and gave my fear to God. The word "hero" kept filling my mind. And like a good believer, I whipped out my Bible and starting searching and reflecting on what it means to be a hero. I had so many thoughts going on in my mind that I gave myself a headache and left my attempt for another day.  I was mentally tired over this and then last night in an episode of Chicago Fire, a Chaplain mentioned Philipians 4: 13.

Getting the message (especially the scene was a discussion between a Chaplain and a Fire Fighter!) after 8 pm, I jumped up and made to sure to write it down, with my Mother watching me race around the room looking for pen and paper. Yip, I'm that weird!

What I didn't realise was that the message I will be using this Sunday is also a message for me. I need spiritual strength to try to be a Chaplain because the men need me. I can't be their rock if I don't have a rock to support me and I was reminded that God is my rock. He will be standing with me when my hands will be shaking and my voice croaky on Sunday but I know that the men need to hear it. I still don't know exactly what I am going to say. I just pray God gives me the words to share.

We all need spiritual strength because sometimes physical strength is just not enough. Our heart and soul needs support when we find ourselves facing unknown outcomes, fears and even good opportunities. Everything on earth is uncertain and unknown. We can do all things as long as we focus on God because our mistakes can be God's works and our successes can be God's blessings for us. 

We also need to keep up our spiritual strength by praying and reading scripture. By talking to others in our church community. Praising God helps with our spiritual strength too. 

Whether I make a good Chaplain or not and whether they keep me as one, I do know that God is using this chapter in my life for His good and I know in the long run for my good too. A lesson learned, whether a success or a failure, is how we grow in all things and in all things God strengthens us.

God gives us spiritual strength to help us put our own anxieties aside to be able to help others because God knows others need our human strength to share His spiritual strength. We are after all His servants.

I pray that God strengthens you in all things that you are doing and that you never forget to listen to God because He is working in your life to strengthen and prepare you mentally, physically and spiritually for blessings He is and will be bestowing upon you. 

How is God strengthening you in all things? I would love to hear from you.

Winter Blues means Darker Days (Pt. 2)

So, I return to darkness because it feels like home now. The light scares me. I don’t know it anymore. I see its glow beneath the door in front of me. I turn and look at the window, seeing the moon and just enough stars to feel at home. The light from the corner from the golden writing also catches my attention.  I get anxious and my clothes feel like they are choking me.  The light seems to be growing all around me. Where’s the darkness when I need it?

I can’t feel the cold nibbling my feet anymore. It feels like a gentle heat falling on my feet. I try and bring my feet as close to my body as possible. I don’t want to feel it. My tears fall icily down my cheeks as I beg the moon with my silence for the darkening comfort.  

The gold writing seems to grow in light too as I glance over there. Letters shimmer in the moon light, urging me to open it up and read.  What harm could it do to read it.....again? I wonder as the light grows.

It’s the first time, I noticed it, noticed that night actually still turned to day.  The stream shoots through the window.  I jump out of the stream. My moon and stars have disappeared. Where did my darkness go?  I smile as I look at the stream of light. I can still feel the darkness here. I’m not scared but the stream of light creates curiosity. What would happen if it touched me?

Hesitantly, I slowly wiggle my fingers forward until they are wiggling in the stream. It feels like heat was falling on my fingers. The heat feels like a snake sliding up my arm. My skin is tingling under its power. I close my eyes embracing the sun snake as it slithering seems to spread.

Unable to bear its power, I open my eyes, fresh tears falling as I find my whole body basking in the sun. My soul has returned to the light I knew before.  My soul urges me to pick up the shimmering gold writing in the dark corner. Stepping out of the sun again, I visit the darkness as I pick up the book. I rush back into the stream of light. This is where I need to be.

The darkness has disappeared and the cold no longer nibbles. I turn around and listen again. The joy of the outsiders makes me smile. I will venture there soon but not yet.

My soul has returned home. My mind and body is on its way too. 

  

God has freed us from the power of darkness,

And he brought us into the kingdom of his dear Son.

Colossians 1: 13

Winter blues means darker days (Pt. 1)

I normally love winter. Winter to me usually means fluffy socks, too much hot chocolate, reading overload and movie overdose but this year, winter is different for me and I would love to know why. 

Winter blues have hit me hard which makes my days seem darker, more depressing, less motivating. Everything in life at the moment seems to suck! Work is a bore, my writing is stuck and my soul is locked in a room with no lights and no heat. 

As I sit in this dark room, my mind is filled with pondering; pondering ideas, pondering about people and pondering about God. Dreams keep me awake from slumber. The window is too high to look out into the horizon and the sun doesn't seem to rise yet the moon and stars twinkle in my eyes encouraging my inner doom and gloom. 

The cold is nibbling at my feet like rats. My breath adds to my misty cloud above my head. My body shakes as my soul darkens like the room. I can hear life happening all around me as a dull hum. My eyes see them smiling amid the rain. I don't get it! I don't get the joy of winter, not this winter. 

At first, I can't talk but then it happens....babble bursts out my mouth to try to return to the light of life. I force the words which flow into sentences but still I want to return to the dark room. I don't why! 

This winter, I am finding comfort in my dark room. The closed, locked door seems unbreakable. I can hear them behind it, the outsiders banging on the door. Their voices are calling me to return to join them in the rays of light. Why can't they leave me alone?

It lies in the far corner behind me. I don't need to see it to know what it looks like. The gold wording shines in the moonlight and burns into my back. Like the outsiders behind the door, this too bangs in my darkness, calling me to return. I want to....I really do but to ask I must want to receive but I'm scared that I actually will get what I want.  And if I get what I want I might not know how to handle it.

I return deeper into my darkness……where my winter blues keep me warm and my darker days gives me morbid comfort.

 

Why am I so sad?

Why am I so upset?

Psalm 42:5

I’m sinking down into the mud,

And there is nothing to stand on.

I am in deep water,

And the flood covers me.

I am tired from waiting

For God to help me.

Psalm 69:2-3