Winter blues means darker days (Pt. 1)

I normally love winter. Winter to me usually means fluffy socks, too much hot chocolate, reading overload and movie overdose but this year, winter is different for me and I would love to know why. 

Winter blues have hit me hard which makes my days seem darker, more depressing, less motivating. Everything in life at the moment seems to suck! Work is a bore, my writing is stuck and my soul is locked in a room with no lights and no heat. 

As I sit in this dark room, my mind is filled with pondering; pondering ideas, pondering about people and pondering about God. Dreams keep me awake from slumber. The window is too high to look out into the horizon and the sun doesn't seem to rise yet the moon and stars twinkle in my eyes encouraging my inner doom and gloom. 

The cold is nibbling at my feet like rats. My breath adds to my misty cloud above my head. My body shakes as my soul darkens like the room. I can hear life happening all around me as a dull hum. My eyes see them smiling amid the rain. I don't get it! I don't get the joy of winter, not this winter. 

At first, I can't talk but then it happens....babble bursts out my mouth to try to return to the light of life. I force the words which flow into sentences but still I want to return to the dark room. I don't why! 

This winter, I am finding comfort in my dark room. The closed, locked door seems unbreakable. I can hear them behind it, the outsiders banging on the door. Their voices are calling me to return to join them in the rays of light. Why can't they leave me alone?

It lies in the far corner behind me. I don't need to see it to know what it looks like. The gold wording shines in the moonlight and burns into my back. Like the outsiders behind the door, this too bangs in my darkness, calling me to return. I want to....I really do but to ask I must want to receive but I'm scared that I actually will get what I want.  And if I get what I want I might not know how to handle it.

I return deeper into my darkness……where my winter blues keep me warm and my darker days gives me morbid comfort.

 

Why am I so sad?

Why am I so upset?

Psalm 42:5

I’m sinking down into the mud,

And there is nothing to stand on.

I am in deep water,

And the flood covers me.

I am tired from waiting

For God to help me.

Psalm 69:2-3