Angel's Wings

This week I received a lovely pair of angel wing earrings that I had ordered and it got me wondering......wondering what it would be like if we could physically see and touch our guardian angel on earth.

I can only imagine how it could feel knowing that this perfect being filled with light and God's glory walks besides me to help me, feed my soul and keep me safe. How glorious it could be holding their hand experiencing peace and warmth run through our veins to our souls.

Would we ever feel alone again? Would we ever experience free will, pain, suffering and darkness? I don't think we can fully comprehend what it would feel like. These big wings engulfing us when our spirit seems to be dwindling.

Then I questioned, why many of us find it easier to believe in having guardian angels but not able to fully believe in the God who gave them to us. We know this because in the Bible, Luke talks about how God sent angels to help Jesus. Jesus as a man was perfect. How perfect is God?

The answer I came up with is that God is so big and wonderful that we can't grasp the entirety of his being. Also like many humans, "seeing is believing". Writing this blog, I am still trying to imagine the "size" of God and it overwhelms me how big that really is.

If our guardians are so bright with light, glory, peace, strength, faith, hope, love that God's entrusts us to them, I can only imagine how bright, glorified, peaceful and strong our God is. How filled with faith, hope and love He really is.

Even though I can't see them, it comforts me to know that my Creator has angels he can send to all of us to wrap their wings around me, feed my soul, fill my soul and protect me from evil. It also comforts me that they keep me safe and with God's grace, helps me to walk the path of His will.

To protect, to serve, to save to heal – who helps them?

A couple of weeks ago, we all saw a YouTube video go viral about police brutality in Cape Town.  Police brutality is around and as I don’t condone it, what made me wonder is what is making the policemen and women so angry that their anger makes them go that far.

A lot of the time, we forget that our civil servants are traumatized and often on a daily basis. Try to imagine the emotions that you would experience if you had to see a murder scene, find a child that was raped, old lady mugged and this could be experienced in one working shift. How do you deal with all of this?

I know you are probably saying to yourself that no one made them choose that job but what would happen if no one chose to be a policeman, a fire-fighter, a nurse? Why aren’t the heads of these departments not making sure that they are being counselled on a regular basis? Why, do a lot of them, when they do get help are stereotyped by their industry?

I was a wife of a police reservist and I remember the look in his eyes when he saw or experienced something that bothered him. Now, imagine, going through all of this and coming home to your family and you can’t even discuss the case with your wife to help you decompress. Yet, your family also has to try and be understanding, coping with the mood swings and stress.  Imagine not knowing fully what your spouse or partner sees on a daily basis. A lot of them also don’t discuss it to protect their family of the harsh realities of the streets outside our front doors.

The psychologists hired by these departments, can they be trusted? Are they trying to encourage the men and women to come and see them or do they wait until they are forced to come and see them? Do they honestly and truly keep confidentiality? I am not blaming them for what is going on but something is clearly wrong. Whatever it is needs to be found and the issues need to be resolved or ways are the people in charge need to finds to help our civil servants cope and manage whatever it is.

Our civil servants should be among the highly paid employees in South Africa. Why, you say? Because our lives are in their hands on a daily basis and I feel, if we look after them, show them we support them and lift their morale, and then maybe they will stay on the straight and narrow to provide us with the best possible service.

In order for them, to reduce their anger, their out lashing of violence, we need to support them and give them the help they need for this anger, their stress and the trauma they experience.

Many of the people I still know in these industries don’t realize that I often see the trauma in their eyes, their face. I can only imagine how they feel when they try their best to protect people they might never know, get the person responsible or lose the person they sweated to save.

I can only imagine what it feels like when you spend so much time on a case, piecing the puzzle together just to see the person walk, the evidence lost and you get the blame. I can only imagine how it must feel to feel like you are working yourself to death and nothing changes. Crime increases, the same people walk the streets, lack of staff, low pay and low morale.  I can only imagine trying to work together to fight a fire, knowing you have already lost people among the flames. I can only imagine how it must feel beating a man’s chest with all the stamina you have to get his heart beating again just to stop with the realization that it was all in vain.

We might not have faith in them but we must also remember that God gave them the calling and the faith to follow the call. A call that asks for self sacrifice, unselfishness, to care without knowing and that we don’t become a policeman/woman, a fire-fighter, a nurse, a teacher, a paramedic, a doctor, we are called to it. I know that some become these things because they need a job but for many God called them to that career. And even though I am also one of those people who get agitated with the lack of service, lack of education, just lack of motivation to give a good service, I still like to believe that there are many roses among the thorns and I pray that when I need them for something serious, God will send His rose to me.

The Single Mom's Club

Last night I went to see Tyler Perry's The Single Moms Club and I actually enjoyed it. I didn't expect it to be as funny as it was. The storyline is how five single moms get "thrown" together to organise a fundraiser for their children's school and they eventually become friends by agreeing that each mom will take a turn to babysit all of their kids while the other 4 have a break and go out together.

I like the way Tyler Perry created a movie that is not too serious but still makes you appreciate being a single Mom. 

There have been quite a lot of positivity and negativity around this movie but I liked the way Tyler Perry made you see all sides of being a single Mother. You saw some humour, ex husband issues, fear, sadness and all tiredness. As a single Mother, I enjoyed this being reflected back to me. Even though, my circumstances are different to the characters of the movie, I was still able to relate to them and understand exactly where they were coming from.

However, I was fascinated by the single Mom who become one by choice. Now that is a big decision. Honestly, I think I wouldn't have chosen it. This Mom thought she could manage it all, having a child and a successful career. Unfortunately, it is easier said than done.

It was also interesting how a Mother who has the domestic worker help her with kids becomes a single Mom through divorce and has no relationships with her children. She thought she was a Mother but really she wasn't. Her domestic worker replaced her.

Personally, for me, this movie reminded me that being a single Mother is not always an easy job and that single Moms, with all their emotions, are not alone. We do miss many special moments but sometimes we've had to sacrifice certain things for other things that our families need.

I did not become a single Mother by choice and not many do but honestly, if I knew I would be a single Mom, I probably wouldn't have had children. Don't get me wrong, I love my child and would never give her up for anything but trying to be a Single Mom and a Single person is not all that's it cracked to be.

With that said, I do wear my single Mom badge with pride and joy. The days that I am tired, she will brighten my day by saying something so funny we laugh together so hard. We are a team and because there is no "I" in team, I can sacrifice and work with a smile on my face for US.

God blessed me with single Motherhood for a reason and even though I know most of the "why", I still have a feeling that I have more "why" to learn. As single Moms we are successful but we succeed in many different things to others. God gives us the stamina to keep going, the smile to share, the tears to cry in secret and the grace to get us through.

I recommend all single Mom's to hunt down that babysitter, find a friend and take a night off to go and watch a movie that is light-hearted, funny but to the point.

The Karate Kid

I haven't been to training for over a week and then I returned last night. I was reminded how much I enjoy and get out of doing karate.

I originally started training to motivate my child but she stopped and I decided to carry on. It is interesting how going to the dojo is like being at home, my karate home.

Many people think knowing karate means you are trained to hurt, be violent, possibly dangerous but it is not true. Knowing karate means you have skills to defend yourself, have self control and able to walk away from a fight instead of starting one.

In the dojo, even though we are all different ranks, we are all equals. We do not train to learn to fight against each other but to help and push each other to become better people, train harder and sweat more.

A lot of people also think that karate has a religious base to it but it doesn't. Yes, we do have a bowing ceremony but it has nothing to do with religion. One of the top rules, if not the number one rule, is courtesy and respect. We do the bowing ceremony to show respect for our dojo, our sensei/sempai and our fellow trainees. We meditate to block out the outside world and ready ourselves for training. It is also to greet each other.

It also interests me how close we become as friends during training as well as after training. We just know that we are all there to help the next person leave training a better, stronger person. We are so proud of each other when we grade to the next colour belt as we have all helped each other get there.

The aim of karate is not to learn to fight but to have self control, respect, integrity and to have these traits in yourself, in others and also to take the principles from the dojo to the outside world.

Karate is not a sport, it's an art, not violent but can be life changing.

Dressing the right way!

Mind your Mind

(Helmet of Salvation)

Accept God's salvation as your helmet and wear it always. His salvation will help you understand and keep His word in the front of your mind. Always keep it on to protect your mind from evil's tricks and impure thoughts. Never forget his lessons, blessings and Word. Our brain sends messages to the rest of our body and if your mind is filled with God's love, your body will follow.

Pure mind leads to a pure body 

 

 

Goodness Me!

(Breastplate of Righteousness)

A breastplate covers our vital organs and that's why God wants us to  try to always have  goodness in us and wants us to always have the desire to do what's right. It makes me wonder why we often get a "nervous" feeling in the pit of our stomach when we are going to do or say something that we know is not good or morally right for us. 

Be good, be righteous

 

 

Guard your heart and soul

(Shield of Faith)

  The closer we stay to God the more and more the Holy Spirit fills our heart and soul. The Holy Spirit is our shield of faith. It helps us grow our faith which in turns gives us the strength to keep evil away.

Our faith + God's shield  = Safety

 Hold your pants up

(Belt of Truth)

A belt has an important job to do. It holds our pants up so we don't trip over the hems, so our pants don't fall down and cause humiliation. The belt of truth allows us to walk confidently and strong but also by us always telling the truth there is less chance for us to fall down or trip and be embarrassed by hiding behind lies. So every time you adjust the belt, tug on the buckle......remember....

Honesty is the best policy!

Walk in my shoes

(Shoes)

The Lord has placed shoes that he has created on our feet so we can walk in peace. When we follow the Lord's guidance and path he set out for us, we receive His gift of feeling peace as we following our purpose in life. Wearing the shoes the Lord created also gives us the strength to walk in another person's shoes which helps us to find peace among our trials and troubles while understanding another person's.

No matter the shoes you wear, God will always give you peace.

Weapon of Choice

(Sword of the Spirit)

When we think of swords, we often think of knights, wars, battlefields and even a way to protect. Our bible is our sword, our protection and source of knowledge. Reading God's Word gives us power by learning and understanding from history. The Bible also gives us the tools to live the life intended for us, and when we keep it close, we are able to also spread His Word to others. Our bible can help us in times of personal war, experiencing troubles and amongst our private battlefields.

 Knowledge is power and Learning is a blessing!

God has covered us from head to toe in his armor. It is up to us to wear it proudly and share it with others.

Ephesians 6: 10 - 17

Dear Jason......

I am so glad that our memories, good and bad, we created together overshadows your final months in hospital. I think many people felt that I had given up hope that you would return home but I didn’t give up hope, I just saw something that others didn’t.

I will never forget how we would look at each other from across the room and know exactly what we were telling each other. In hospital, I knew you had gone from us way before I had to make the toughest decision of my life. I knew because your soul had left from behind your eyes. I knew especially in the last few days when I realised you no longer knew who I was.

Our relationship wasn’t always easy but we loved each other fiercely, entirely and we both knew we could never live without each other (no matter how hard we tried – LOL!) It hasn’t been easy but I have come to learn how to do this. However, I do still think of you, miss you and feel you.

Many people don’t realise how we would pray together when things weren’t going as planned or when we made mistakes. They don’t realise how we loved a lot of the same things. They just couldn’t understand why we were attracted to each other but we knew.

I might have let you go on earth but you will always be felt in my heart and soul. I sometimes don’t even know how or why we stayed together but clearly we must have loved each other beyond comprehension. We brought the best and the worst out of each other.

Many have wondered if I regret the decision I made when deciding to make you comfortable and let you pass away peacefully. I don’t regret it because I will never forget hearing you groan in pain when you couldn’t speak, or the silent tears running down your cheeks letting me know you can’t anymore, or the way the “life” had left your eyes and body.  I didn’t let you go because I had lost hope, I always hoped, I let you go because if there was one last thing I could do for you was to let you pass away with the dignity, love and respect you deserved. I didn’t want you to leave us on the operating table or with tubes still attached in your body. I just wanted to allow you one last chance to feel like yourself and for everyone to see you as they always had.

I think sometimes I am more proud to be your wife after you passed as I came to realise what a difference you made in my life but most of all others lives. So many people around you loved and respected you so much. It does sadden me that I learned this after you were gone but I am so glad I did. You left such a gap in the lives of many. They miss your personality, your laugh and your ability to always be around someone needed you. They miss being able to call on you and I have no doubt they miss you giving them a call to check up on them. Remember that…. how we used to worry about our friends and family and call or visit to make sure they are okay.

You even made a difference in our baby’s life. God showed me why you had to leave us but I will always remember how as soon as our baby heard your voice, she would get kick and kick until you would rub my tummy and speak to our baby. Now, a young lady, she loves watching our d.v.ds to see you smile, laugh and alive. I have a feeling she is just as proud to have you as a Dad as I am to have called you my Husband.

Down side of your passing is I am not as social as I used to be…. especially since you made me social…. you made me visit, engage and be surrounded by family and friends.  It’s tough for me but I do try, a little.

You were my rock, my comfort when I was having a bad day but now that is gone and sometimes it overwhelms me how much I miss this about you.  You took half of my body, my heart and my soul when you left.

I pray that God and you give me the blessing to fall in love again and that you don’t haunt me (like you said you would – LOL!).

May you be at peace and may you become your daughter’s Guardian Angel and may God guide us always.

With love always

Chantel

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I did not write this blog to gain sympathy or attention but in the hope that others will possibly find comfort during their grief and loss of a loved one. Talking about grief is not always easy and many people find it uncomfortable talking about it. Also I hope the “wondering” people will have their questions answered and that they too find comfort in knowing that I did feel loss.

Keeping journals, writing letters etc can help with dealing with loss especially when we feel we can’t express ourselves to others. It gives us the space to really release our emotions.

REAL love

Valentine’s Day has become such an “important” day to many. It is a day allocated to show your loved one, spouse, partner just how much you love them. Many will say it is just another day which has been commercialised for profit. And then others, especially women (no disrespect intended), is a day where they can use it as a bargaining chip to make their partner watch the “chick” flick he has been avoiding or use to get him to do something you have been trying to get him to do for a while.

On the complete flip side, for some singles, it is a reminder of the possibility of loneliness or to remind you that your love is not being shared as it should be.

But consider this........

How many of us spend time on this day to show love to the person who got you there in the first place? The person who loves you no matter what!

I am talking about God. Without his guidance, his blessings and unconditional love for you, you would not be able to love, hold and care for others. God created your loved one just for you.

Why not take some time this Valentine’s Day to show Him love and thank the one you showered you with the greatest love you will ever feel regardless of whether you have a loved one, spouse or just single.

Take an hour of silence, reading The Love Chapter in the Bible (1 Corinthians 13), reminding yourself of what true, unconditional love should be like and how God showed his unconditional love by giving up His son for us, to save our souls so we can experience the love He has and always will have for us.

As humans we all wish for earthly love and to be given the opportunity to experience love but nothing compares to the love God has for you. For couples, never forget that God created each of you especially for each other and that God laid out the path for you two to find each other.

So this Valentine’s Day, don’t just go through the motions, buying the roses, saying the right things but feel the REAL love behind the love you feel. Remind each other that you don’t need Valentine’s Day to truly love each other, to tell each other how you truly feel and say a prayer together to thank God for the love His has for the both of you and for creating the union in His image.

And for my fellow singles, never feel lonely because you don’t have someone to physically hold because as you read this blog The Holy Trinity is wrapped around your soul, filling your heart with the most tremendous, overwhelming, most powerful love you could ever feel.

A man might love you today and tomorrow but God will love you eternally!