Dear Jason......

I am so glad that our memories, good and bad, we created together overshadows your final months in hospital. I think many people felt that I had given up hope that you would return home but I didn’t give up hope, I just saw something that others didn’t.

I will never forget how we would look at each other from across the room and know exactly what we were telling each other. In hospital, I knew you had gone from us way before I had to make the toughest decision of my life. I knew because your soul had left from behind your eyes. I knew especially in the last few days when I realised you no longer knew who I was.

Our relationship wasn’t always easy but we loved each other fiercely, entirely and we both knew we could never live without each other (no matter how hard we tried – LOL!) It hasn’t been easy but I have come to learn how to do this. However, I do still think of you, miss you and feel you.

Many people don’t realise how we would pray together when things weren’t going as planned or when we made mistakes. They don’t realise how we loved a lot of the same things. They just couldn’t understand why we were attracted to each other but we knew.

I might have let you go on earth but you will always be felt in my heart and soul. I sometimes don’t even know how or why we stayed together but clearly we must have loved each other beyond comprehension. We brought the best and the worst out of each other.

Many have wondered if I regret the decision I made when deciding to make you comfortable and let you pass away peacefully. I don’t regret it because I will never forget hearing you groan in pain when you couldn’t speak, or the silent tears running down your cheeks letting me know you can’t anymore, or the way the “life” had left your eyes and body.  I didn’t let you go because I had lost hope, I always hoped, I let you go because if there was one last thing I could do for you was to let you pass away with the dignity, love and respect you deserved. I didn’t want you to leave us on the operating table or with tubes still attached in your body. I just wanted to allow you one last chance to feel like yourself and for everyone to see you as they always had.

I think sometimes I am more proud to be your wife after you passed as I came to realise what a difference you made in my life but most of all others lives. So many people around you loved and respected you so much. It does sadden me that I learned this after you were gone but I am so glad I did. You left such a gap in the lives of many. They miss your personality, your laugh and your ability to always be around someone needed you. They miss being able to call on you and I have no doubt they miss you giving them a call to check up on them. Remember that…. how we used to worry about our friends and family and call or visit to make sure they are okay.

You even made a difference in our baby’s life. God showed me why you had to leave us but I will always remember how as soon as our baby heard your voice, she would get kick and kick until you would rub my tummy and speak to our baby. Now, a young lady, she loves watching our d.v.ds to see you smile, laugh and alive. I have a feeling she is just as proud to have you as a Dad as I am to have called you my Husband.

Down side of your passing is I am not as social as I used to be…. especially since you made me social…. you made me visit, engage and be surrounded by family and friends.  It’s tough for me but I do try, a little.

You were my rock, my comfort when I was having a bad day but now that is gone and sometimes it overwhelms me how much I miss this about you.  You took half of my body, my heart and my soul when you left.

I pray that God and you give me the blessing to fall in love again and that you don’t haunt me (like you said you would – LOL!).

May you be at peace and may you become your daughter’s Guardian Angel and may God guide us always.

With love always

Chantel

---------------------------------

I did not write this blog to gain sympathy or attention but in the hope that others will possibly find comfort during their grief and loss of a loved one. Talking about grief is not always easy and many people find it uncomfortable talking about it. Also I hope the “wondering” people will have their questions answered and that they too find comfort in knowing that I did feel loss.

Keeping journals, writing letters etc can help with dealing with loss especially when we feel we can’t express ourselves to others. It gives us the space to really release our emotions.

REAL love

Valentine’s Day has become such an “important” day to many. It is a day allocated to show your loved one, spouse, partner just how much you love them. Many will say it is just another day which has been commercialised for profit. And then others, especially women (no disrespect intended), is a day where they can use it as a bargaining chip to make their partner watch the “chick” flick he has been avoiding or use to get him to do something you have been trying to get him to do for a while.

On the complete flip side, for some singles, it is a reminder of the possibility of loneliness or to remind you that your love is not being shared as it should be.

But consider this........

How many of us spend time on this day to show love to the person who got you there in the first place? The person who loves you no matter what!

I am talking about God. Without his guidance, his blessings and unconditional love for you, you would not be able to love, hold and care for others. God created your loved one just for you.

Why not take some time this Valentine’s Day to show Him love and thank the one you showered you with the greatest love you will ever feel regardless of whether you have a loved one, spouse or just single.

Take an hour of silence, reading The Love Chapter in the Bible (1 Corinthians 13), reminding yourself of what true, unconditional love should be like and how God showed his unconditional love by giving up His son for us, to save our souls so we can experience the love He has and always will have for us.

As humans we all wish for earthly love and to be given the opportunity to experience love but nothing compares to the love God has for you. For couples, never forget that God created each of you especially for each other and that God laid out the path for you two to find each other.

So this Valentine’s Day, don’t just go through the motions, buying the roses, saying the right things but feel the REAL love behind the love you feel. Remind each other that you don’t need Valentine’s Day to truly love each other, to tell each other how you truly feel and say a prayer together to thank God for the love His has for the both of you and for creating the union in His image.

And for my fellow singles, never feel lonely because you don’t have someone to physically hold because as you read this blog The Holy Trinity is wrapped around your soul, filling your heart with the most tremendous, overwhelming, most powerful love you could ever feel.

A man might love you today and tomorrow but God will love you eternally!

We were made for it!

Have you ever noticed how you start to feel when a cloud passes the sun and a ‘darkness” comes over you?

The other day I was sitting at my desk, working, and then a cloud passed the sun and in those few seconds my tummy was in knots. I got a sense that something bad was going to happen. It made me think.....why did my emotion change so quickly? 

Then it dawned on me.

“God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all.” 1 John 1:5

We were created to walk in the light, God’s light and not the darkness. I think we get the feeling of fear when we sense any form of darkness as the dark usually brings uncertainty as we can’t see all around us and we don’t know what is lurking in the shadows.

God created us for light. That’s why we enjoy taking a walk in the setting sun, why we love wandering around a flower-filled garden and why our children love to play outside. It is also why our whole attitude and emotions change when we step out into the first summer sun.

“Your word is like a lamp for my feet and a light for my path.” Ps.119:105

God created the light so we could live in it. Maybe, God created the sun to remind us that we need to walk in His light and allow his Word be the lamp to our feet.

Think about it...we always feel safer, more at ease when we are walking around in the dark with a torch. Why - is it because we were created to always be surrounded by light at all times, God’s light?

“You were chosen to tell about the wonderful acts of God, who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Pet. 2:9

If we trust in Him and have a firm faith then the darkness should not make us feel uneasy. We might not have a torch with us always but if our soul is filled with God’s light then the Devil’s darkness should never create fear in us.

”Light brings every kind of goodness, right living and truth.” Eph. 5:9

The light gives us hope, creates positivity in us and just makes us feel good even when we are going through a really tough time in our life. Light in any form makes us smile!

“God once said, ‘Let the light shine out of the darkness!’ This is the same God who made his light shine in our hearts by letting us know the glory of God that is the face of Christ.” 2 Corin. 4:6

God has created us in light, with light, for light. Maybe we sometimes take it for granted what light really means, creates and intends for us.

Let God’s light be a reminder of your daily blessing, your forgiven faith and your saved soul!

“Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, so he divided the light from the darkness.”

Gen.1:3-4

Which one do you relate to?

I

Beauty and the Beast (Don't laugh!)

This week I started a counselling course. Well, actually a refresher course. 

We had to think of a story we relate to, freeze a scene from it and draw it. Then we had to go around the room and explain how we associate with one of the characters in the movie. 

As you can see, I chose Beauty and the Beast from the Disney version. I have to say it was quite interesting doing this exercise as you learn a lot about others but also about yourself.

I thought I would write about it, my association, in the hopes that it would make you think. What story do you like? Which character do you associate with? Why? And if you could, would you change the story and if so, how?

I love this movie. I associate with the special relationship created between two people completely opposite to each other. On the one hand, we have the beast, who is angry, miserable, unhappy with himself and on the other hand, we have Beauty, who is ordinary, loves reading, happy and seems to enjoy life. She also seems to make the best of any situation.

This particular scene speaks to me as it represents how I, personally, like to connect with a person's heart or their soul. I try not to judge their outside appearance as many times what is seen outside is nothing what is seen inside a person. I associate with both characters as well as the rose. The rose, to me, represents both of them. The rose is the beauty amongst the beast (i.e. beauty amongst the thorns)

It also reminds me of how as humans we judge people so much by their appearance without getting to know them or giving them a chance to let us in. 

It also taught me to try and not judge too often. To consider the fact that their heart could be very different to their head. It taught me to search for a person's inner beauty, their soul. This will not be easy especially if I encounter someone who I just can't get along with and that, I think is the true test. 

It also reminded me of a Bible verse I highlighted from 1 Samuel 16:7

"People look at the outside of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart."

So.....who are you? how do you view those around you?

The inner will always outshine the outer!

God Bless.

Goal Day for 2014

We start off every new year with goals, resolutions and things we would like to do and accomplish but how often do we start off on a positive note and gradually get negative as our goals seem more impossible to achieve as time goes by.

Life happens and before we know it, another years has passed. But how hard are we REALLY trying to achiever our goals and follow our dreams? How committed are we to actually put in the work required to get there?

I am exactly the same. I set my goals and put them up so I can see it daily but certain things on that list start to seem impossible, I get negative and lazy and skip that one to the next one.

So, this year I am going to try a different tactic. This year I am going to have "goal day" every week. I have still set my goals and stuck in my diary but this year I will choose a day during the work week where my focus will be on working towards my goal.

What does this exactly mean?
This means once a week I will be doing something towards achieving my goal whether it is a short term or long term goal. No matter how big or small the task as long as it is related to my goals. It can be things like making a phone call for information, writing for an hour, sending an e-mail, anything that can help. Even popping money into the piggy bank for that overseas trip I dream of!

What do I have to lose right?
I am hoping by doing this, I am able to see progress towards achieving my goals. I am hoping it will help me to be pro active, stay positive and trust in God to help me.

So....here's to GOAL DAY in 2014!

May you all achieve your dreams, increase your faith in God and be blessed in 2014.

To Tango is To Love

To tango is to love

The story unfolding in your mind

The slow, smooth melody

The meeting of eyes

The smiles across the room

The courtship, gentle holding of hands

To tango is to love

The story unfolding in your mind

The dramatic, stern melody

The passion felt by man and woman

The gentle impatient exploration of skin

The act of love being played out

The uniting of two bodies until....

Passion is complete

Both are spent, sated

Satisfied, relaxed, tired by the last slow, smooth melody

To tango is to love

The story ending in silence

Shakespearean Flair!

Last night I attended my child's school's Shakespeare Festival. I am sure I speak for everyone who attended that we were absolutely flabbergasted. We had no idea what to expect and were we surprised!

It was a pure evening of childlike innocence yet with a flair of maturity and Shakespearean flair.

The festival started with a historical Maypole dance. As a parent, I loved it as I have heard of Maypole dancing but have never seen it actually done. It was lovely to see Grade 2 girls dressed like girls with pretty ribbons in their hair, weaving in and out, creating a twist of patterned colour. They weaved ribbons while skipping in between each other and showed their talents by unweaving it again still skipping in between friends. It took you back to that time and you could actually envision young girls laughing, skipping on fresh green grass in the sun.

After that lovely beginning, we were further enthralled by recitation of sonnets by Shakespeare. What surprised us was that from Grade 1 to Grade 4 children were standing confidently on a stage in front of a room full of adults, reciting these sonnets without fear, perfect pronunciation and smiles on their faces. I have no doubt that more than half of the audience did not know any of these sonnets and where surprised yet very proud that their children could stand in front of people and recite a sonnet without hesitation.

It also made us, parents realise that the new Ambleside curriculum is actually teaching our children more than just skills. It is inviting them into a world of culture, arts, knowledge and helping them realise that there is more to the world than hip hop, cellphones, movies and television.

Before getting to the main event of "Twelfth Night", we had an display of sword fighting. It showed and informed us of how sword fighting in the Elizabethian era was not about hurting people but proving your strength, courage and of course who was the better "person" as it were. It was quite lighthearted to see young men  fight for valour and honor and not just for the sake of violence.

Then "Twelfth Night" was upon us. The Grade 5 to 7 students put on a near perfect, eloquent show of a play known by many. It was wonderful to see young people able to act and display Shakespeare in its traditional form. I have to admit, it was quite nice seeing Shakespeare as it should be and not modernised. These young ladies and men performed with confidence and even though, I am sure  they got weary at some points, they never showed it. There were slight mistakes but they carried on with maturity and without making it too noticeable. I commend them on performing like professions and taking their job so seriously.

In closing, we had a very proud principal close to tears but with a big smile on his face. It is great to see teachers and a principal watch their students as if they were their own children. It gives me great pleasure to see teachers who are so committed, happy and willing to sacrifice for the sake of others.


So, as the great Mr. William Shakespeare asks, "To be or not to be is the question?"

And we reply, "To be it will be because God has made it so."